


Jade and Karkat on the Fruity Rumpus Asshole Bus

by MsGeekNerd



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Las Vegas, M/M, Party Bus, cursing, really it's just Jade and Karkat acting like babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-24 00:31:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6135294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsGeekNerd/pseuds/MsGeekNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of the children decide to hop on a party bus and head to Vegas. John, however, gets half of them sick and Jade and Karkat are the only ones left.</p><p>Basically all of it is Jade and Karkat fighting over a phone while texting Dave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jade and Karkat on the Fruity Rumpus Asshole Bus

“Are you sure we should even still go? I mean everyone's fucking bailed and I was going to if you didn't drag me out of the house” you say, climbing the steep steps and hoisting yourself into the bus. There's a stripper pole inside. Lovely. 

Jade shoves you further in the monstrosity so she too can witness it in all its cornball glory. The seats are purple leather for crying out loud. Complete, of course, with neon stripes of pink light framing the walls. You think idly of something you read once about neon lights being toxic if they break. If that's true you sure as hell hope the bus doesn't crash. 

The carpet looks like they stole it from a bowling alley. 

“Come on, it'll be fun! It's been awhile since we've done anything with just us.” She says. 

That immediately fills you with guilt, because yeah, you haven't had any one on one time with Jade in forever. You've been mostly focused on Dave. And none of his hatchmates leaving you the fuck alone. 

You almost wish you kept your relationship secret. Between Rose’s sly smiles and constant commentary and Roxy’s hovering and giggling, you hardly get a moment’s silence. 

Jade plops herself down on the horrendous leather upholstery and pats the seat next to her with a smile that says clearly you have no choice. 

You sit next to her, like a person with reasonable regard for their well being would. 

The driver starts the bus and the radio which is most likely KISSFM judging by the top forty trash that's already worming its way into your pan, so it can bury itself deep within the sludge of your mind and never leave. 

So how did you end up on a party bus bound for Vegas with only Jade for company? 

John got sick. And of course Roxy took the best care of him as she could, like a good matesprit. And of course she insisted that she wouldn't get sick, because she just doesn't get sick. 

Spoiler alert: she got sick. But she stubbornly refused to acknowledge she was sick until she was absolutely exhausted and covered in snot. This got Rose and Dave both sick. 

Kanaya and insisted on staying behind to take care of Rose, and John did the same for Roxy, which he damn well should after she basically became the most dedicated fucking nurse ever at his first sniffle. 

You wanted to make sure Dave didn't drown in his own mucus, but he made you go anyways. You, however, forced him to stay with Rose and Kanaya. 

You feel a little bad about landing Kanaya with two sick people, but if you know anything about Dave, it's that even if the asshole was on his deathbed, he'd never dare to even ask for a glass of water. 

Your phone vibrates audibly in your pocket, likely to be the very same asshole occupying your thoughts. You ignore it. You're hanging out with Jade. Dave can wait. 

Jade raises her eyebrows at you. “Who's texting you?” 

“Probably no one” 

“Karkat” she looks at you meaningfully. You roll your eyes and fish your phone out of your pocket and check Dave’s text. 

He sent you a photo of a girl wearing a ridiculous outfit and two guys next to her who appear to be embarrassed. It's a tumblr thing. You still don't understand how tumblr actually works, but it's captioned “draw the squad like this.” 

TG: im still a mountain of gross nose fluids 

TG: but this kinda reminded me of us with jade 

TG: i mean like... with the shit she wears in public

You snicker. Yeah. Jade’s taste in clothing is something you can only describe as “imaginatively layered.” I mean for fucks sake, right now she's wearing a green scarf that she's tied across herself like a toga, over a squiddle t-shirt and blue shorts. She slapped a black belt on over it that matches her long black socks and fingerless gloves. 

She's also tried to braid her hair today. Little bits of her black locks stick every which way out of her two braids. 

You catch yourself smiling at her affectionately and scowl to make up for it. 

“What? Did he say something about me?” She asks, reaching for your phone. 

You hold the phone away from her. “He didn't say anything” 

“Then what were you laughing at?!” She tries to make a grab for it again by launching her body across yours. 

You throw yourself across the seats so you're lying down with your arm stretched as far away from her as possible and you shove her back with your other hand. 

“Nothing! He just said something stupid like usual” 

“Then why are you trying to hide it?!” She squeals, grabbing your elbow and pulling your arm towards her. You fight her but eventually she gets your phone. 

Her smile warps into the someone's going to die smile and you grab at your phone disparately. She shoves your hands away with one hand and types with the other. 

When you finally get your phone back, you frown at the screen. 

CG: hi! 

CG: you suck! :D 

CG: maybe im just too cool for you to understand coolkid! 

CG: SORRY, THAT WAS JADE. 

TG: noooooo really???? i couldnt tell 

TG: its not like jade types in a completely different way than you do 

CG: YEAH ALRIGHT, SASS MASTER. 

CG: SHOULDN'T YOU BEING SICK MAKE YOU LESS OF AN ASSHOLE? 

CG: what if i started typing like karkat?! 

CG: you wouldnt even know!!!! >:D 

TG: oh yeah totally 

TG: i wouldn't be able to tell my own boyfriend from my punctuation happy bespectacled gal pal 

CG: AS IF JADE COULD EVER PRETEND TO BE ME!!!! 

CG: SHE'S JUST A SHITTY TAINTCHAFING NOOK FUCKING FUCKER. I:B 

TG: oh yes 

TG: i completely and utterly think that's karkat 

TG: youve really pulled the puff beast fur over my eyes 

TG: what do trolls even call sheep? 

CG: probably something stupid like bahbeasts 

CG: ALRIGHT, FUCK BOTH OF YOU. THEY'RE CALLED WOOLBEASTS. 

TG: of course they are 

CG: thats a predictably stupid name 

CG: BOTH OF YOU CAN GO FUCK A WOOLBEAST AND ALL OF ITS WOOLBEAST PALS AND THEN GET BACK TO ME. 

TG: oh man karkat 

TG: i didn't know you were into beastiality 

TG: you sure you wanna be doing me and not the furry next to you? 

TG: should i be worried about you going to vegas with her?? 

CG: hey!!!! IM NOT A FURRY!!! D:<

CG: REALLY DAVE? REALLY??? 

TG: are you guys just calmly passing the phone back and forth between you now 

TG: this is so great 

TG: you two are like fucking brother and sister i swear 

CG: DONT CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!!!!! 

CG: im not a furry!!!! 

CG: weve been over this dave!!!! 

CG: just because I was combined with bec and given dog ears doesnt make me A FURRY! 

TG: and your interest in humanoid animals before the game was what? 

TG: experimentation? 

CG: I DIDNT SEXUALIZE THEM!!!! 

CG: I WAS THIRTEEN DAVE!!!!! D:<D:<D:<

TG: so you were a furry 

TG: but arent now 

CG: IM JUST GOING TO STOP THIS NOW BEFORE MY PHONE PAYS THE PRICE FOR YOUR SHENANIGANS. 

CG: GET BETTER ASSHOLE. 

TG: oh man 

TG: talk dirty to me 

CG: SHUT UP.

You shove your phone in your pocket and Jade sits next to you, pouting with her arms crossed and mumbling about how she isn't a furry while her ears twitch. 

You end up having a nice time in Vegas. You run all over the place, watching magic shows and Cirque du Soleil. You eat at this ridiculous burger joint where you can create and name your own burger. 

Jade names hers “shut up dave :D”. You take a picture and send it to him.

**Author's Note:**

> This was all based on an actual conversation I had with two of my friends. She kept stealing my phone to text our other friend and eventually we just ended up sharing.
> 
> Honestly all of this was me fucking around


End file.
